Friday, October 26, 2012

Toilets!

Yes, I am dedicating a post to toilets. I always say that you can tell a real slob from a dirty toilets. In general toilets are very easy to clean. So here is my two cents, yes on TOILETS!!! So this is my blog dedicated to toilets and in general directed at Men/boys. I had no idea but now that I live with all males, I know how bad it really is.


  • Replace your toilet seat, every year or so. This is something I didn't do when I first became a home owner. Then voila, it hit me... Why try to clean and clean and clean this seat when I can purchase a new one for $22.19 at my local Costco. Also, always replace your toilet seat if you are moving into a new place. I don't know about you but I would prefer not to sit where some other man/boy/women has done their business thousands of time. New toilet seats are a must. Never ever ever look at what has coagulated where the toilet seat screws in, please take this advice.

  • NEVER, and I mean NEVER buy a cushioned toilet seat. Think about it... are you done thinking? Cushioned has well cushion!  I don't know about you but I have never really wanted any bodily secretion in any cushion.

  • Don't leave blue toilet cleaner on the toilet for any amount of time except IN the bowl. Unless you like your toilet seat with dyed blue streaks down it. Blue toilet cleaner is about as powerful as red kool-aid. It doesn't come out, EVER.

  • When cleaning your toilet please please please lift up the lid and clean under the lid and ring that you sit on. Do you know how many toilets I have not been able to even squat close to because of the under side of the "sitting ring". Seriously, it's not hard just clean it every single week. EVERY single week.

  • Take that little rag you are cleaning that toilet with and wash around the floor. Ya know where the toilet hits the ground. Wash the bottom of the toilet and the ground. Again, not a difficult thing but one that most men never think of. "O, you mean that this stuff that can house a small child is not suppose to be around the toilet?"

  • Wash the top of the tank of your toilet. I know you have playboys, plants, extra toilet paper, the last 4 months of dental picks, and whatever you may keep on your toilet tank but dude, wipe it off.
 

  • Look to the right. Those are the best invention since sliced bread. Let me repeat that, BEST INVENTION SINCE SLICED BREAD. Gentleman (I use that word loosely) if you happen to tinkle on the seat pull one of these little wipes out and get rid of it. I guarantee no one wants to ever see ANYTHING (except maybe a stain of blue cleaner, because then at least we know you have cleaned it) on, under, beside, around your toilet seat. I promise!


So there my friends is what I have learned the last 20 plus years of cleaning my very own toilet. Toilets are a big deal to women. I would rather pee outside than on a gross toilet... So get your toilet wands, you Clorox wipes and go tackle that toilet. MAKE ME PROUD!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

WANTED...THERAPY!

Debbie:  "Sam, I hate to tell you this but when I put my car into 4 wheel drive I can't back up very far, it just wont go."

Sam: "The transfer case is going out in it, Debbie it is crazy to put any money into that car, lets get rid of it. It is time, go look at new cars."

Debbie: "I don't want a new car. I like this car. How much will it cost to fix a transfer case?"

Sam: "Too much, Debbie... It is time to get a new car, Lets go look at new cars."

Debbie: "I don't want a new car, I want my car"

Sam: "You are going to get stranded on the side of the freeway some day. Go get a new car..."

Debbie big sigh and then the damn of emotions that surround that car flooded out of my mouth...

Debbie: "Sam, I have an emotional attachment to that car, It's the only thing I have left of my old life. I don't even have the same furniture"

Sam: "WTH?, Where did that come from. Well do you want your old life back???"

Debbie: "NO, I don't want my old life back but its like everything in my life is new. I live in a new town, new house, I don't have ANYTHING that was mine before the marriage any longer. I don't even have the same dishes, towels, furniture, ANYTHING."

Sam: "The new cars will be YOURS, It will be YOUR car!!! All yours."

Debbie: "I don't want a new car, I want THAT car, I could sleep in that car if I had to."

Sam: "I promise you that you are never going to half to sleep/live in your car! Are you struggling with independence?"

Debbie: "Yes, it is the ONLY thing I have left of my life BEFORE you"

Sam: "Can we just start to look at new cars????, just look. Maybe you will find something that you love and you will WANT it."

Debbie: "Why can't we just fix the car?"

Sam: "You may need therapy!"