Mike and the kids watching for fish. LOVE THIS PICTURE. Cassidi is on the far right.
So where am I going with this. Do I even know?? Ummmm!!!, not really.
My family is going to dinner on Sunday, the 1 year anniversary of his death. Not to be sad but to reminisce about life and just all be together. My Mom wanted us to all go to the grave together. At first I thought that was a WONDERFUL idea. We could all go there and be happy and talk about him and take pictures, etc. etc. etc... However, I know that is something I cannot do. I can't go with my kids, husband, Mom and try to keep composed of the Anniversary of something that has hurt so bad. I don't want to be strong for my Mom or not let it bother me because my kids will be there or see Sam's heart breaking because I am sad.
So, what is a girl to do???
I am usually an open book!!! I am not a private person, but during Mike's death and the weeks following I liked my privacy, I liked ALONE, I didn't answer phones, have friends come over, I dealt with it by withdrawing and doing exactly what had to be done to get through that time. So that is what I am doing tomorrow. I am going to go into my own little world, with Mike, take some flowers and memories and reflect on the last year, and cope.
Doesn't that sound like a hell of a good time!!! Wish me luck!