Nostalgia

Nostalgia: A sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations!!

I have a handful of friends, some new (within the last 10 years) some that I have known my entire lifetime that I have their back and visa versa.. The obvious calls here are Alison, Sally, Hidee, Cheri, etc.  ya know the ones you have read about over and over in this blog, I love these women and they love me. They know my every mistake, my every pit fall, my every success and have loved me through it all. Next to family they are my rocks.  Some I see weekly, some I see monthly and some I see yearly but they are beloved to me. They are my stepping stones, don't mess with them, and I wont mess with you.

and...

I also have those friends that hold nostalgia for me, the ones I love and want the best for them, you don't need a shovel to figure out our past but you need a back hoe and a forensic scientist to go through our history together. When I see them something draws me to them, something longs for them to be in my life, something deep routed... but also something or something"S" have happened in the past that makes me hold back and make me withdrawal and be very careful what I say or do around them because I know that it is not held as "dearly" as I hold them. I know what I tell them will some way, some how, make its way back to the beauty salon chair and that is not where I want my biggest failures and biggest fears to be displayed.

So when do you draw a line in the sand, when do you say.. "What the hell?" well let me tell you when Debbie Campbell, says "What the hell"...:-)

I ran into an old "friend" this weekend, the same old friend that holds all that nostalgia, the one that holds so many great memories and also the one that I hold back with, the one I am very careful with, the one I have learned better with. So the evening started the same as it usually does... she starts with everyone we know in common and completely TRASHES them, she moves from one person to the next, she goes on and on and I agree with some of it, I listen to other and then... . THEN... she hits something or someone WAY TO CLOSE to me and I bristle... There are boundaries I have, close knitted boundaries of people I love, people I cherish, people I believe...and she crosses it.. and I buckle.. I told her several times.. "QUIT...I am not having this conversation".... she continues... I say
"THIS NEEDS TO STOP".... she continues with the bad mouthing and then I looks at my husband and say, "WE HAVE TO GO." so we leave... dinner, drinks and everything and just walk out the door.

So the moral of the story... "I am not into bashing everyone, everything and everybody". I know better to judge to rapidly... I don't have spiders in my closet, I don't even have skeletons, I have something much much bigger. I know how it is to be "judged", I know how it feels to be the brunt of every ones gossip, I know, I have been there and DONE that.. So don't sit with me and start on someone I hold in my "inner circle". Wont fly with me.

So this weekend, would I go back and handle things differently? ABSOLUTELY

Would I tell her more deeply how she was hurting me? OH YES

but on the other hand does it matter to people like this????? and my answer to that question is... NOT AT ALL...
so I walked away from a life long friend,  associate, that has never had my back doesn't  and probably will  never have any ones back. I didn't lose my composure, I didn't holler, scream, or pitch a fit. I just made a educated decision that I was DONE with all of this.
Parts of me hurt, because I have so much history, but for the last 10 years every single time I have not heald my dealt hand very very closely, she has buried me. So I am moving on... feeling good about the friendships I have, new and old.

So my husband said to me when I was telling him how I felt. You have boundaries, you have a line, it was crossed and you stood up for what you believed. So I move on, I am sure I will be the conversation at EVERY table she is at the next few years but this is my chance to say...

"GO FOR IT"...

For once in my life, I am that sure of who I am, who my friends are, and who my family is...