Since my accident I like to be at home. I like to be at home to the point that it's probably not real healthy. I feel safe, secure, and my best when I am in these 4 walls I call home. I DON'T KNOW WHY, don't have a guess in hell why, but here is my best shot.
- That is has nothing to do with the "accident" and has everything to do with I am just getting older!
- That I was single for years and left my kids a lot while I was single, I had to work a lot, I also played A LOT. I was dating (usual some nightmare of a man) and I know I spent a lot of time away from my kids and I think I have Mother guilt. (NOW I DRIVE THEM NUTS, AROUND ALL THE TIME, trying to make up for anything I did wrong because I was a single mom) and trying to make everything "perfect" for them in case something happens to me!
- That I was not doing anything dangerous in the accident. I tell Sam all the time it would be easier for me emotionally if we would have been sky diving or doing something "dangerous". So now I have a small fear of leaving my house.
- I don't drive from the accident yet. It is scary. I have a black spot in my eye, I get dizzy when I look over my shoulder, so that kinda puts a damper on going places.. DUH!
The other thing that has changed is probably a good thing. Everyone that knows Sam and I, knows we are not shy about saying we are going to have a beer, or open a bottle of wine, and we have been known to party. That has changed for me in LEAPS AND BOUNDS. I don't drink very often any more. I might have a beer every couple of weeks but I don't drink nearly like I use to. I think the reasoning for that is because I am still a little dizzy, and I feel very very full all the time, so I don't want to drink because I am to full and I don't want to feel "tipsy" AT ALL. I think I am boring Sam to death.. TO DEATH!! :-) The honest truth about the alcohol is that I DON'T MISS IT, I feel great, have lost 12 pounds and I don't miss the alcohol AT ALL.
So to all my friends, my husband, and family. I know I am at home A LOT, and I know that baby steps are what I am taking to move on and get over this. Until then I am at home and get your asses over here and visit me!!!
or I may be at Bear River Mental Health because they just might come take me away because I am crazy!! Who knows!
:-)..